My Journey with Emotion Focused Couples Therapy

My journey into EFCT began when I was just 19 years old. I was in my undergraduate degree at the University of Ottawa. Knowing at the time that I wanted to pursue an MA/PHD in Clinical Psychology, I started searching for labs to volunteer in to build up my knowledge as well as to build a relationship with a professor/researcher who may want to take me on as a MA/PHD student - yes this is how it works as the program is quite competitive.

I was in a serious and committed relationship from the time I was 16 and so I was very interested in all things couples. I started volunteering in the Emotion Focused Couples Therapy lab. I only realized years later how big of a deal this was; I was working under the world renowned Dr. Susan Johnson. THE creator of one of the most trusted and effective forms of couples therapy. 

The first thing I did was read her book “Hold Me Tight”. What my 19 year old brain took from this book was that my withdrawer partner was the whole problem and that if he would just stop withdrawing then I wouldn’t have to pursue. Problem solved. Hint - this is not the way it works. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it. It is written for the public and is gold. 

My main job in the lab initially was to transcribe audio tapes - literal cassette tapes in a cassette tape player was used to record couples therapy sessions. I listened to hours and hours of therapy sessions sitting in a closet sized room… listen, type, rewind. Listen, type, rewind. Soaking it all in. I remember noticing the same patterns coming up, the same dance, the same changes would occur, couple after couple. I started to be able to predict what interventions the therapist would use.

I began working on my undergraduate thesis with the support of a graduate student in the lab; Dr. Tracy Dalgleish. We eventually published “ Emotion Regulation and Key Change Events in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy” which basically showed that you do not need to be particularly self aware or have particularly high emotional control at the beginning of therapy in order to experience positive changes throughout EFCT. 

My type A high achiever younger self was on track to be admitted into the very competitive clinical psychology program. I had built my connections, maintained the grades I needed, bulked up my CV, and even got funding through SSHRC. Dr. Johnson had agreed to take me on and supervise me as a MA/PHD student. I was in! Or so I thought… I received a rejection letter to the program which basically tore my world apart at the time. A new shiny applicant had come along and Dr. Johnson had changed her mind. 

Funny story… some time after being rejected from the program, mostly somewhat recovered, I had to drop off a copy of my manuscript to be reviewed by Dr. Johnson at her home in the Glebe. I lived in Centertown at the time and so decided to walk my dog Winston while dropping it off. I dropped off the manuscript in Dr. Johnson’s mailbox just outside her front door. As I walked back home leash in hand, I suddenly felt I was missing something…I stopped, looked around… “where is my poop bag”? I had picked up Winston’s poop on the way there, and now it was missing. “Did I drop it off along with my manuscript!?”. I was mortified. Had I really put a bag of dog poop in Dr. Sue Johnson’s mail box? I will never know. But…karma? 

Jokes aside, I ended up working in community supports for many years which I loved and also pursued a Masters in Social Work. About 13 years later, I became formally trained in EFCT and started working with couples. This model feels like the perfect fit and comes so naturally. That foundation laid so many years ago stuck with me. It is a true privilege to witness deep moments of connection, safety and healing between the couples I work with. And I feel so prepared and capable, knowing that the EFCT model provides me a map and has such positive outcomes.